The Burger’s Priest (7 locations) Toronto, Ontario, Canada

The Burger's Priest serves Toronto's best burger of biblical proportions.

As a skinny fat person trapped in an increasingly not-so-skinny body (a.k.a. metabolically-challenged), I have to intersperse my usual eat-like-a-teenager routine with salad-only days. But I like to live on the edge of my stretchy-waisted designer jeans when nobody is watching — and The Burger’s Priest is worth every fat, juicy, addictive calorie. You just can’t find a better burger in Toronto. Test of a good patty: it doesn’t need condiments to taste great. Taste and see the Priest is good!

The hymn board menu can confuse neophytes with various permutations of patty and topping. The High Priest ($9.79) is their holier Big Mac. Try the California Classic ($7.39 single; $9.99 double) if you like your buns buttered (you kinky dog, you!) Personally, I prefer the Secret Menu’s Jarge-style Holy Smokes. I would explain “Jarge” and “Smoke” but then I’d have to kill you (and go to Confession). Note: there’s nothing healthy about the vegetarian Option ($7.99), thank God! But it’s hard to feel guilty eating anything called The Pope or Noah’s Ark — though Tower of Babel and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will require heavy penance.

Fries ($3.69) are above-average but save your calories for a milk shake ($4.50-$5) or kremesicle soda ($4; vanilla ice cream blended with Cott cherry, cream soda, orange or grape crush). Any soft drink or bottled beverage is $1.29. Tiny downtown locations don’t have enough eat-in seating, but the Etobicoke Queensway location offers plenty of tables and free parking. Expect lineups, but worth the wait.¬†Delivery available downtown only. Each location evangelizes with a bible verse on one wall but otherwise doesn’t take itself seriously. A confession screen separates customers from the griddle. But don’t expect to hear Christian music here. The play list includes edgy hipster favourites. Amen to that.

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1599 The Queensway, Toronto, ON M8Z 1V1, Canada


Secret Menu

Not every location makes milk shakes and creamsicles. (You can safely assume that smaller locations do not.)

Note: the cashiers are notoriously reluctant to discuss secret menu items, to the point of being annoyingly unhelpful. Do your research on secret menu items before you arrive but expect to pay top dollar for the larger items.

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