As a skinny fat person trapped in an increasingly not-so-skinny body (a.k.a. metabolically-challenged), I have to intersperse my usual eat-like-a-teenager routine with salad-only days. But I like to live on the edge of my stretchy-waisted designer jeans when nobody is watching — and The Burger’s Priest is worth every fat, juicy, addictive calorie. You just can’t find a better burger in Toronto. Test of a good patty: it doesn’t need condiments to taste great. Taste and see the Priest is good!
The hymn board menu can confuse neophytes with various permutations of patty and topping. The High Priest ($9.79) is their holier Big Mac. Try the California Classic ($7.39 single; $9.99 double) if you like your buns buttered (you kinky dog, you!) Personally, I prefer the Secret Menu’s Jarge-style Holy Smokes. I would explain “Jarge” and “Smoke” but then I’d have to kill you (and go to Confession). Note: there’s nothing healthy about the vegetarian Option ($7.99), thank God! But it’s hard to feel guilty eating anything called The Pope or Noah’s Ark — though Tower of Babel and The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse will require heavy penance.
Fries ($3.69) are above-average but save your calories for a milk shake ($4.50-$5) or kremesicle soda ($4; vanilla ice cream blended with Cott cherry, cream soda, orange or grape crush). Any soft drink or bottled beverage is $1.29. Tiny downtown locations don’t have enough eat-in seating, but the Etobicoke Queensway location offers plenty of tables and free parking. Expect lineups, but worth the wait. Delivery available downtown only. Each location evangelizes with a bible verse on one wall but otherwise doesn’t take itself seriously. A confession screen separates customers from the griddle. But don’t expect to hear Christian music here. The play list includes edgy hipster favourites. Amen to that.